Jewel Movement

Doctor's offices have all sorts of weird phrases and words. My favorite from my visit yesterday is "Jewel Movement Sphygmomanometer". When I'm sitting waiting for the doctor to come in my mind catches on these things as I try to entertain myself while sitting on an examination table.

I began wondering what "Jewel Movement Sphygmomanometer" would look like. This is what I pictured:


I began to picture spider like jewels crawling around the office. They were actually kind of creepy so I decided to move on to the next word. I never really figured out how that word could plausibly transfer into a real life object. I did however finally memorize how to spell the word, that's how bored I was.



After my visit the doctor gave me a Onetouch Ultra Mini Blood Glucose Meter. It didn't sound too intimidating. He said it was really self explanatory and the instructions would tell me everything I'd need to know in order to check my blood sugar levels. Plus it was pink. Pink things seem sissy, not intimidating. That was, until I opened it and read the instructions.

They (whoever "they" are) talk about how doctors should have good bedside manner. Well what about the contraptions they give you? Shouldn't they be user friendly too? Instead I think the instruction manual writers were intentionally trying to freak out all the first time users.

For those who don't know, glucose meters require you to prick your finger and then test the blood that you draw yourself. Rather than trying to calm people like me down about the idea of purposefully mutilating myself, they give the contraptions names like "the lancer" and "the lancets". I'm told to "load the lancets into the lancer, choose the puncture depth and cock the lancer" then I'm supposed to push the release button into my finger.

By this time I'm feeling worried.



I'm imagining little tiny men preparing to throw lances into my hands.

I have the lancer cocked and am prepared to shoot myself with the needle and I can't look at myself. I close my eyes, turn away and push the button.

I feel a little pinch and that's it. It doesn't even hurt at all afterward.

After all that? Really?

It's no wonder the trust in medical devices is going down hill.